I is what I am

I've started todays post several times. I know what I want to blog about but it's like the words in my head gets scrambled the moment I start typing and then what appears on the screen doesn't quite make sense.

Its something along the lines of how you should be true to who you are and express yourself regardless of what people think. Because it's only when you are you that you will be happy. Even if the real you doesn't quite fit into the box people think it should fit into.

It's taken me a long time to get to where I am in my life. I grew up in a very conservative home but moved out and lived on my own at an early age. As a result I'm both conservative and progressive in my thinking.  It's a strange combination. Although, according to my husband the only place in my life where I'm progressive is my hair in every other aspect I'm conservative and boring. (yes he can say the nicest things about me).

I think the main thing is that I'm a people pleaser so I want to look and act in a way that pleases everyone and when I realize that I can't keep you happy I decide, screw you and carry on with my life.

My darling daughter tells me all the time how she wishes that I was taller, looked older, and dressed more like the other moms at school. Yet she loves P!ink and thinks she is cool (obviously, she just doesn't want her mom to look like her).

There is a lady at my office, I would have to guess that she is about 58-ish. She is French, and an actual, real life blue blood.  She always looks put-together and stylish with not a single hair out of place. But, (yeah you knew there was a but coming), she is incredible judgmental of other people.  For instance, she is convinced that I suffer from low self-esteem, and her reasoning is the fact that I change my hair style and colour all the time. She also thinks that I dress in a very unladylike manner. My jeans are too tight, and my heals are too high.

But I don't really care. I mean, I get why Cat feels the way she does. She is 10 and wants to be exactly the same as her friends which means that the thinks that her mom should be the same as her friends moms. And the lady at work, I get a perverse pleasure out of annoying her. Honestly, it is bad but I love it.

Anyway, I also want to tell you about someone who seems to have this whole 'be proud of who you are' down pat. I may not have ever met her in real life but from what I've learned about her via her blog is that she lives her life this way and I really admire her. Plus, she has wicked cool style. So if you are not yet following Lena go and check out her blog, she ROCKS!

So this is sort of what I wanted to say today.... I'm sorry if it seems a bit jumbled but hey, I guess that is just the way my brain works.